Post by Deleted on Feb 25, 2016 2:02:22 GMT
Hive mind is scary I feel vulnerable and stupid
Waiting for a new embaressment to go and tear right through me
A dependent fruitless animal, watch me brimming with shame.
And this confidence I fake only makes matters worse.
I am not a stallion, I am just perverse.
Hopeless, and docile, and tamed.
Another day I won't remember, another day I wished away.
Tedious days punctuated by dismay,
everyday feels the same.
It's the routine, It's the regret.
That makes me worse yet.
Did I forget your name or make a joke and no-one laughed?
Did I come across as stupid or did I come too fast?
This isn't a brave face, this is a mask.
Now I remember it doesn't take much to make me feel small.
(c) crywank
~
I recently just went through this large session of thought. Thought is scary when you're alone.
It claws at your chest and stuffs your head with things you want to brush away. I just had a realization that
I wish I really wouldn't have known.
I'm not happy.
My laughter and small sprees of happiness come in shorts. Shots, if you will.
This isn't depression. It isn't worse, or less. But I know for sure it hurts
and it makes me feel helpless. All I can do is sit and watch my life drain away as others
move on. I don't feel bad for anybody else. I think I have grown quite fond of who
I am. But oddly, I still feel..
not happy.
I have completely forgotten how to feel. How to love. How to function without
friends that I have lost. I have depended on friendships that surely were not
good for me. I've been to counseling, which in result was depression.
But this isn't depression. This isn't insanity. This is something that
I cannot describe. My studies are dropping. My life is crashing. All I
can do is sit and watch. I'm not depressed. I'm not sad. I'm just..
not happy.
(c) @starrynight
Waiting for a new embaressment to go and tear right through me
A dependent fruitless animal, watch me brimming with shame.
And this confidence I fake only makes matters worse.
I am not a stallion, I am just perverse.
Hopeless, and docile, and tamed.
Another day I won't remember, another day I wished away.
Tedious days punctuated by dismay,
everyday feels the same.
It's the routine, It's the regret.
That makes me worse yet.
Did I forget your name or make a joke and no-one laughed?
Did I come across as stupid or did I come too fast?
This isn't a brave face, this is a mask.
Now I remember it doesn't take much to make me feel small.
(c) crywank
~
I recently just went through this large session of thought. Thought is scary when you're alone.
It claws at your chest and stuffs your head with things you want to brush away. I just had a realization that
I wish I really wouldn't have known.
I'm not happy.
My laughter and small sprees of happiness come in shorts. Shots, if you will.
This isn't depression. It isn't worse, or less. But I know for sure it hurts
and it makes me feel helpless. All I can do is sit and watch my life drain away as others
move on. I don't feel bad for anybody else. I think I have grown quite fond of who
I am. But oddly, I still feel..
not happy.
I have completely forgotten how to feel. How to love. How to function without
friends that I have lost. I have depended on friendships that surely were not
good for me. I've been to counseling, which in result was depression.
But this isn't depression. This isn't insanity. This is something that
I cannot describe. My studies are dropping. My life is crashing. All I
can do is sit and watch. I'm not depressed. I'm not sad. I'm just..
not happy.
(c) @starrynight
